Quick answer
To help a loved one with a substance use problem, learn about addiction, communicate calmly using an approach like CRAFT instead of confrontation, set healthy boundaries and look after your own well-being. Keep naloxone on hand if opioids are involved. Call 911 in an emergency, or call or text 988 during a mental health or suicidal crisis.
What is the most effective way to help a loved one?
You’re not alone. According to SAMHSA’s 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, about 48.5 million people ages 12 and older had a substance use disorder in the past year. Behind each of them are family members and friends trying to help.
One of the best-studied ways to help is CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training). CRAFT teaches you to:
- Communicate in a positive, non-blaming way
- Notice and reward sober behavior
- Step back and let natural consequences happen
- Spot moments when your loved one may be open to treatment
- Protect your own safety and well-being
CRAFT was developed as an alternative to confrontation. Studies comparing approaches have found that it helped more families get a loved one into treatment than confrontational interventions. Many therapists and counselors are trained in CRAFT, and workbooks for families are widely available.
When your loved one is ready to talk about treatment, it helps to have options lined up. Call (877) 847-2855 to talk with our admissions helpline about programs and insurance. It’s free and confidential.
Why do confrontational interventions often backfire?
TV-style interventions, where family members surprise someone and demand they go to rehab, can feel like the only option. But they can leave a person feeling ambushed, ashamed and defensive. Even if they agree in the moment, they may leave treatment early or pull away from family.
Substance use disorder is a medical condition, not a moral failure. People are more likely to change when they feel respected and supported rather than cornered.
How should you talk to a loved one about their substance use?
Good timing and calm words make a difference:
- Pick the right moment. Talk when your loved one is sober and you’re both calm.
- Use “I” statements. Say “I’m worried because I noticed you missed work again” instead of “You’re ruining everything.”
- Be specific. Describe what you’ve seen without name-calling or negative labels.
- Listen. Ask open questions and let them share their side.
- Offer help, not ultimatums. Let them know you’ll support them in finding care.
- Expect more than one talk. Change often happens over many conversations.
How do you set boundaries without enabling?
Boundaries protect you and make it clear what you will and won’t do. Enabling means shielding someone from the results of their substance use, which can make it easier to keep using.
Examples of healthy boundaries:
- “I won’t give you cash, but I’ll help pay for treatment.”
- “I won’t call your boss to make excuses for you.”
- “You can’t use in our home.”
- “I’ll drive you to an appointment any time you’re ready.”
Follow through calmly and consistently. Boundaries work best when they’re about your actions, not attempts to control theirs.
It also helps to notice and reward positive steps. If your loved one spends a sober evening with the family or keeps a doctor’s appointment, say how much you enjoyed it or appreciated it. This is a core CRAFT skill: making sober time more rewarding than time spent using.
How can you take care of yourself?
Caring for someone with a substance use problem can be exhausting. Stress, worry and sleepless nights take a toll. Looking after yourself isn’t selfish. It helps you stay steady for the long run.
- Find support. Groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and SMART Recovery Family & Friends connect you with people who understand.
- Talk to a professional. A therapist, especially one trained in CRAFT, can help you cope and plan.
- Keep your routines. Make time for sleep, meals, exercise and activities you enjoy.
- Protect other family members, especially children, from unsafe situations.
- Let go of blame. You didn’t cause your loved one’s substance use, and you can’t control it alone.
When should you call 911 or 988?
Some situations need emergency help right away. Know the signs and keep naloxone, a medication that can reverse an opioid overdose, in your home if your loved one uses opioids or could be exposed to fentanyl. Naloxone nasal spray is available without a prescription.
| Situation | What to do |
|---|---|
| Unresponsive, slow or stopped breathing, blue or gray lips, pinpoint pupils | Give naloxone if available and call 911 |
| Confusion, vomiting, seizures or very slow breathing after heavy drinking | Call 911 for possible alcohol poisoning |
| Seizures, severe confusion or hallucinations during withdrawal | Call 911 |
| Talking about suicide or wanting to die | Call or text 988, or call 911 if in immediate danger |
| Threats of violence or you feel unsafe | Leave if you can and call 911 |
Stay with the person until help arrives. Withdrawal from alcohol or benzodiazepines can be life-threatening, so encourage medically supervised detox rather than quitting suddenly at home.
What if your loved one refuses help?
Most adults decide for themselves whether to enter treatment. Keep using CRAFT skills, maintain your boundaries and keep the door open. Refusal today doesn’t mean refusal forever.
If your loved one is a teen, you generally have more say in their care. Talk with their doctor or school counselor, and look for programs designed for teens that involve the whole family.
Some states have laws that allow families to petition a court for involuntary treatment in limited situations. Florida’s Marchman Act and Massachusetts’ Section 35 are two examples. Learn more on our Florida and Massachusetts pages.
How can you help them choose a program?
When your loved one is ready, help them find a licensed program that fits their needs. If they also struggle with depression, anxiety or another mental health condition, look for dual diagnosis treatment. Our guides on how to choose a rehab and what happens in rehab can help you both know what to expect.
You don’t have to do this alone
Helping someone you love through a substance use problem takes patience, and setbacks are common. Stay connected, care for yourself and be ready when they say yes. When that moment comes, call (877) 847-2855 to reach our admissions helpline for help finding a program and checking insurance. If anyone is in danger, call 911, or call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Frequently asked questions
What is CRAFT?
CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It's an evidence-based approach that teaches family members how to communicate positively, reward sober behavior, let natural consequences happen and suggest treatment at the right moments. It also focuses on improving the family member's own well-being.
Do confrontational interventions work?
Surprise, confrontational interventions can make a loved one feel ambushed and defensive, and they can damage trust. Studies comparing approaches have found that CRAFT helped more families get a loved one into treatment than confrontational interventions. A calm, ongoing approach tends to work better.
How do I know if I'm enabling?
Enabling means shielding someone from the consequences of their substance use, such as making excuses, paying their debts or cleaning up after them. Supporting means helping them toward health and treatment. A counselor or family support group can help you sort out the difference.
When should I call 911 for a loved one?
Call 911 if your loved one is unresponsive, has slow or stopped breathing, has blue or gray lips, is having a seizure, or shows signs of alcohol poisoning. If you suspect an opioid overdose, give naloxone if you have it and call 911. Stay with them until help arrives.
When should I call 988?
Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, if your loved one talks about suicide, seems hopeless, or is in a mental health crisis. You can also call 988 for guidance if you're worried and unsure what to do. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Can I force an adult into rehab?
In most cases, adults decide for themselves whether to enter treatment. Some states have laws that let family members ask a court to order involuntary treatment in limited situations. The rules differ by state, so it's worth learning what applies where your loved one lives.
Where can families get support?
Groups such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and SMART Recovery Family & Friends offer peer support for people affected by a loved one's substance use. Individual or family therapy can also help. Many treatment programs offer family education sessions.
