Quick answer
Signs that your husband or partner may have a drinking problem include drinking more or longer than he means to, failed attempts to cut back, cravings, hiding alcohol, drinking despite problems at home or work, and withdrawal symptoms such as shakiness or sweating. Doctors call this alcohol use disorder. Two or more signs in a year is a reason to get help.
If you’re asking this question, something about your partner’s drinking is worrying you. That feeling is worth taking seriously. This guide uses “husband,” but the signs and steps are the same for a wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or any partner.
What counts as “alcoholic” today?
Doctors no longer diagnose “alcoholism.” They use the term alcohol use disorder (AUD), which can be mild, moderate or severe. It’s based on 11 signs in the DSM-5. Having 2 to 3 of them in the past year points to mild AUD, 4 to 5 to moderate, and 6 or more to severe. You can’t diagnose your partner, but knowing the signs helps you describe what you’re seeing.
What are the signs your husband is an alcoholic?
Watch for patterns over months, not a single bad night. Common signs include:
- He drinks more, or for longer, than he planned. “Just one beer” regularly turns into six.
- He has tried to cut back and couldn’t. He promises to slow down, and it doesn’t last.
- A lot of his time goes to drinking or recovering from it, such as weekend mornings lost to hangovers.
- He has cravings and gets restless or irritable when he can’t drink.
- Drinking gets in the way of responsibilities at work, with the kids or around the house.
- He keeps drinking even though it causes fights or problems between you.
- He has given up activities he used to enjoy, or skips events where he can’t drink.
- He drinks in risky situations, such as driving after drinking.
- He keeps drinking despite health problems like high blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety or depression.
- He needs more alcohol to feel the effect than he used to (tolerance).
- He has withdrawal symptoms such as shaking, sweating, nausea, trouble sleeping or anxiety when he stops, or he drinks in the morning to steady himself.
Other red flags partners often notice: hiding bottles, lying about how much he drank, drinking before social events, mood swings, money going missing, and getting defensive whenever drinking comes up.
How much drinking is too much?
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) defines heavy drinking for men as more than 4 drinks on any day or more than 14 drinks a week. For women, it’s more than 3 drinks on any day or more than 7 a week. A standard drink is 12 ounces of regular beer, 5 ounces of wine or 1.5 ounces of liquor. Craft beers and generous home pours often hold more than one standard drink.
What is a high-functioning alcoholic?
Many people with alcohol use disorder keep their jobs, pay the bills and look fine to friends. This is often called being a “functioning” or “high-functioning” alcoholic. It isn’t a medical term, and it doesn’t mean the drinking is safe. Partners usually see what others don’t: the nightly bottle of wine, the irritability on days without alcohol, the slow pullback from family life. Heavy drinking raises the risk of liver disease, heart problems, several cancers, depression and accidents, even when life looks normal from the outside.
How do I talk to my husband about his drinking?
- Choose a calm, sober moment. Never try to talk while he’s drinking or hungover.
- Use “I” statements. “I felt scared when you drove home from the party” works better than “You’re a drunk.”
- Stick to specific things you’ve seen, not labels or diagnoses.
- Say what you want, such as “I’d like you to talk to a doctor about your drinking.”
- Expect denial, and don’t argue. You can return to the conversation later. Change often takes several talks.
A method called CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) has strong research behind it for getting loved ones into treatment. It works better than confrontational interventions. Our guide on how to help a loved one with addiction walks through it.
Can I take a quiz for my partner?
Yes. Our free Am I an alcoholic? quiz is based on the World Health Organization’s AUDIT screening test, and it has a “Someone I love” mode that rewrites the questions for a partner or family member. It isn’t a diagnosis, but it can help you put your concerns into words and decide what to do next.
What should I do if my husband won’t stop drinking?
You can’t make another adult stop drinking, but you can protect yourself and make treatment more likely:
- Stop covering for him. Don’t call in sick for him or clean up evidence. Let natural consequences happen when it’s safe to.
- Set clear boundaries and follow through, such as “I won’t ride in the car if you’ve been drinking.”
- Get support for yourself. Al-Anon and other family groups are free, and a therapist can help you sort out your options.
- Line up treatment options so you’re ready when he says yes. That moment often comes after a crisis.
Is it safe for him to just quit?
Not always. Someone who drinks heavily every day can have dangerous withdrawal if he stops suddenly, including seizures and delirium tremens. If he’s been drinking daily, he should talk to a doctor or go through medical detox. After detox, options include outpatient programs, residential rehab and medications such as naltrexone or acamprosate.
What if his drinking makes you feel unsafe?
Alcohol and domestic violence often go together. If you feel unsafe, trust that feeling. Call 911 in an emergency. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788) offers free, confidential help with safety planning. Your safety, and your children’s, comes before any conversation about his drinking.
Where to get help
When your partner is ready to look at treatment, our alcohol rehab directory lists licensed programs by state and city. You can also call (833) 589-6933 to talk with our admissions helpline about programs and insurance. It’s free and confidential, and you can call on his behalf.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my husband is an alcoholic?
Look for a pattern over months: drinking more than he intends, failed attempts to cut back, cravings, drinking despite problems at home or work, needing more to feel the effect, and withdrawal symptoms like shakiness or sweating. Two or more of these signs in a year suggest alcohol use disorder.
Can someone be an alcoholic and still function normally?
Yes. Many people with alcohol use disorder keep jobs and meet obligations. This is sometimes called being a high-functioning alcoholic. It does not mean the drinking is safe, and partners often see problems that others don't.
How much does an alcoholic drink a day?
There is no single number. Alcohol use disorder is defined by its effects, not a drink count. But NIAAA considers more than 4 drinks a day or 14 a week heavy drinking for men, and more than 3 a day or 7 a week for women.
Should I leave my alcoholic husband?
That decision is yours, and it depends on your safety, your children and whether he is willing to get help. Many couples recover together, and many people also need to leave. A therapist or Al-Anon can help you think it through. If you feel unsafe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Can I make my husband go to rehab?
In most cases, adults choose treatment for themselves. Some states allow family members to petition a court for involuntary treatment in limited situations. Approaches like CRAFT help many families get a loved one to agree to treatment voluntarily.
